Commentator

My wife and I were the only people in the small store that we always go to for our Christmas Big Shop. Inevitably, we had The Conversation - even though the woman behind the counter was quite young. While we were filling up our baskets with non-perishable items, the woman provided a running commentary: ‘ah, you’re shopping really well. Reeaally well.’ She wasn’t complimenting our choices, she was complimenting our spending. ‘Oh, great shopping, great shopping.’ I suppose it’s possible that she didn’t realise she was speaking out loud but the effect was like being on an episode of Supermarket Sweep.

The Conversation

This happens about once a fortnight. It’s usually started by elderly shop assistants and filtered through my poor, perpetually translating wife:

Assistant (in Bulgarian): ‘Where is he from?’
Wife (in Bulgarian): ‘England.’
Assistant (in Bulgarian): 'Ask him if he likes Bulgaria.'
Wife (in English): 'Do you like Bulgaria?'
Me (in English): 'No, I hate it. That’s why I married a Bulgarian and I’ve lived here for five years.’
Wife (in Bulgarian): 'He says he loves it.'
Assistant (in Bulgarian): ‘Yes, we have beautiful nature.'

It’s generally ‘beautiful nature’ but sometimes it’s ‘fresh vegetables’. It's never ‘efficient bureaucracy’ or ‘reliable infrastructure’.